Welcome to The Centre for Adoption Support and Education

Contact with birth family

Why do some adopted children get letters and even meet their birth parents and some don’t?

When decisions about your future were being made in Court, your social worker will have made a recommendation about how often and in what way you should have contact with your birth family. This decision would have been based on what was felt to be best for you and they would have listened to you, your birth family and any other important people. Because each situation is different, it means that some people can see their birth family, some can send and receive letters and some can’t have any contact at all.

What happens if I don’t see or hear from my birth family when a plan was made which says I should?

If a decision has been made that you should get letters or meet with your birth family, but this isn’t happening, you and your parents can ask an adoption social worker for help. They could try to find out more about what is happening and help you understand why your birth family isn’t able to keep to the plan. Sometimes they can help change the situation and sometimes they can’t, but if this happens they will make sure you have support around you.

What if  I want my contact to be different?

Contact plans are normally made when children are very young and, as they grow up sometimes they need or want to change how much they see or hear from their birth family. You may feel this way, or may be confused about your contact. If you are finding it hard to talk to your parents, you may have a trusted adult who can help you to do this.

There’s a lot to think about when it comes to contact, including what you want, how to make sure you are safe and what your birth family might be able to manage. You and your adoptive parents can contact an adoption social worker at any time to discuss whether your contact arrangements can be changed and what might be the best way forwards.